Type Of Relationship

When for the first time, you decide that you want a partner in a BDSM relationship; what comes to mind for a male Dom or female Domme, is to have that beautiful model-like sub (male or female) like in the fetish picture that will be kneeling all the time and obeying every wish you have. You will expect that sub to be totally submissive and be able to take ANYTHING that you will give that him or her. In cyber play, the subs are always beautiful, submissive and perfect but when you get to real life plays.

Oooops!!!!!

Why oops? We have met cyber players that when they play in real life, encounter many problems and realities they are ill prepared to deal with. Because of these problems they basically abandon real life play and go back to cyber, because it is easier.

Many people have little or bad knowledge of real play, making them scary and dangerous with their lack of knowledge and skills. Some will say "it is easy to Dom because it is the sub's job to obey, submit and take anything that I give her or him" When you talk about flogger manipulation with them, usually they look at you like you are from another planet. For them, a flogger is easy to use; you just hold it and hit the sub!

In the same fashion, lots of people hold incorrect beliefs about BDSM relationships. Any kind of BDSM relationship, like any kind of vanilla relationship is based on trust and yes, compromises! Compromise you ask? Isn't the sub job to follow order without question? Well, in cyber it is true. In real life, it is something else.

Maître Pierre claims to own the best sub. Yes, for Him, katy is a dream come true. She is VERY submissive. But if she is so submissive, why is it that Maître Pierre has to walk on eggs when PMS strikes katy? THIS IS real life. For a sub to "kneel" all the time is impossible. Real life brings situations that are contrary to the lifestyle. In cyber, these situations does not exists.

This is a short list of types of relationship in BDSM. In our articles on our site, we go deeper in the realities of real life BDSM but, for a new comer in the lifestyle, to understand the difference between the types of relationships is important.

Type of relationship:

The Professional Mistress:

There is actually NO relationship at all here. You are a slave to the Mistress only if you pay. So this is not applicable in this article.

One night stand:

If you are looking just for a quick play with someone, stop reading this article right now. The values that we share are based upon a lasting relationship founded on trust. There are people, men and women that just want to have a one night stand. Just look in the right places. No, before you write Us, We don't know any places where to find such a partner....sorry!

The occasional player:

Some people don't want or don't need to have a regular partner. They hang out in groups that basically play together. Again, this is fine if someone just wants that occasional play but, if you're looking for a meaningful relationship, this is not appropriate. Little groups like these exist everywhere, just hang out at play parties in your area to find them.

The regular play partner but not living together:

This group is the one where you find most players in the BDSM community. Many will play with the same partner for a long time but they don't live together and have no desire to. This type of relationship is very popular because of many reasons. Some have real life realities that prevent them from having a relationship that would permit them to live with their play partner. Some have kids, others are married.... to someone else (a non BDSM player). For others, they will play with the same partner until they get to a point where they believe that they have nothing else to learn or gain from that partner. Then they will choose a new one. This type of relationship is very convenient for some, but the moral cost could be great. What happens if you fall in love with that partner and it is a one way love.... Make sure that before you get into one of these relationship that you agree on limits (not physical, but life limits).

The 24/7 relationship:

Well, this is the one that is probably the most misunderstood. Yes, both players live together under the same roof. Sometimes they are even married. But even if we dream about 24/7 play, the realities are different. Real life has a way to put problems in the way of play. A married couple with children will obviously not be able to play all the time, because they have to take care of the kids. In Our case, both are working, so in the evening, after the day at work, many things need to be taken care of at home. Because both are working, we need to work together to fix and clean the house, take care of groceries, do the laundry....well real life. Even if we are not in a scene or at play, the relationship is there. Pierre is the Dom and katy submits to him except when we are in public and "Master" becomes "Pierre".

The trust:

Obviously, even for a play with an occasional partner, trust needs to be established between the players. It is truer for players that have a more frequent relationship. There are players that have spouses that are not players and this is something understood between them and their spouse. But if a player "omits" to tell the other partner that he or she is married, well the trust will be broken. Honesty is the key. And folks, the "I will leave my wife for you if you stay with me" reason rarely works in vanilla situation. We would be surprised if it works in BDSM too.

Now the choice of type of relation is yours. Choose the right one for you!